Spending eternity

Suggestions on what to do during those days you have eternity and you cant think of anything…it does not happen often, so…

Look at yourself in the mirror…stare at yourself in the eye for a few seconds. Then snap out of it and look at what you’re wearing? If you are still on your pyjamas, take a visit to your perfectly disorganized closet.

Put something else on, probably look for a t-shirt to wear…does not have to match…it's probably cold outside and you have to wear a sweatshirt anyway…

Put on your sneakers. Take a step one at a time going outside your room…then head for the door. Turn the knob of LIFE and go out to the world.

Get out of your shell and enjoy the day! But how…

1. Look at the flies buzzing around the garbage can…does it change your mood? Maybe yeah, from hungry to No-Thanks-McBreakfast-Menu-Meal.

2. Admire the high rising buildings in the city…naahhh! There is more in life than piled cement erected with steel and faded paint. It does not change your mood anyway, you’d say, it just reminds me of my deadlines I, in the first place, escaped from at work.

3. Sit down on a bench at the city park, playground is also considerable. Sit down or even so, lie down on one of those see-saws squeaking when used. Look above…what do you see?

3.1 The fast moving white clouds running through the great blue sky. Swiftly my child! The sky says to the clouds. “Be a play toy to those seeking for something to imagine while watching you blow around my vast view.”

3.2 Listen to the blow of the wind from the east…brrrrr cold but sounds inspiring. Have you ever thought what it is saying? Listen, probably those sounds that get trapped in your ears are the shouts of children playing from the faraway east land, or the cry of a woman, a talk on a busy street, or a whisper of a fool wishing that somebody hears him…that gentle whisper is something else from a far.

3.3 Turn to your side. Who is there? Are there children playing? Are they all laughing? If yes you’d say, “I wish I was a child, no problem in the world, only worried of playtime and what’s for dinner…hopefully not vegetables…yuk.” But look closely, is everybody laughing and leaping for joy? Maybe yes, because the child that does not laugh is nowhere in sight. The child is at home taking care of his other brothers and sisters. Washing the dishes…and running to get a bucket of water to wash the floor off with mommy’s blood that came from daddy’s strong fist last night. Nothing else is brewed in their mind except hatred. Hatred.

4. Get up now, its making you sleepy probably…get up!!!! Watch the birds nesting on top of the trees…a little bit better than watching the flies I guess. They are preparing for the cold winter. Two of them…a love bird you may say. Chirping at each other and making their home the warmest nest to live.

5. Go near a fountain…one with running water on it. Move close, closer. Close enough to have your face get droplets from the fountain’s juices (juice I say since with public fountains…you do not know what else gets in there…not to discourage you or anything, just the truth). You see, even those water let themselves be blown by the wind to touch your face. They go out of their way to try something new…maximize their purpose than go back to that same basin of water and be thrown out of the nozzle again and again and again. Some enjoy it and does the cycle a thousand times…some droplets are not satisfied with it and tries something else.

6. Now, what you have to do is wipe your face and head back home. You were just probably gone for about 30 minutes or an hour…but I hope it changed your mood for today…and then you can think clearly of what to do for the rest of the day.

And finally you realized its not Sunday today…its fucking Monday! SHIT! You are late for work.

Sisters…

Sisters share a different bond like no other relationship in the world. Sisters have a bond that can never be forgotten by time. Can never be destroyed by any storm in life. Can never be defeated by any battle. Sisters are protected by angels who themselves were sisters once. I believe that whatever difficulties there could be between sisters during their lifetime that it will always come to an end, and that magical bond will pull their souls to each other. And there on the next life they can cherish childhood again and giggle together like little girls.

Geli

A baby girl…little bit shy at first but once you have found her tickle button she will never stop amazing you and I assure this…you can never get enough of her. With all her friends she is a darling, for me she is a sweetheart. But my baby sister is not a baby anymore…sad to say. No drooling anymore when she sleeps on my lap on our way home from school. No more powder necklaces when she sweats from playing with her classmates. No more runny nose in the morning. No more sleeping by the morning table while unconsciously chewing her breakfast. No more kitten fights with me. She is past all these baby things. She has grown to a charming pretty lady that everybody loves.

Her Words...
You may think only the ambassadors are tactful and diplomatic. Not so true. This girl knows how to say how awful I look in a way that it would even sound as an inspiring talk to try some new funky outfit. She may be cruel sometimes, you cannot take that away from sisters…plain honesty…but still she tries not to hurt anybody…or at least minimize if impossible…with her words. She may be harsh if that’s the last way she can resort to. She knows her words and how to execute it, that I guarantee.

But admiring her way of dealing with people is a common thing, I think, amongst those who are with her everyday and sees how she talks to everyone whether it be deep or shallow acquaintances, friends, family or even to the puppies!

Her Ways...
She just has this instinct in understanding the needs of other people. She is like a fairy to which you pray at night and make your wishes come true…not that magical but still unbelievable. She has this charm that makes everything work out right. A charm that keeps everything modest even in the most chaotic situations of life.

Her Passion...
You may call her crazy, workaholic or any word similar, it does not matter. She has a passion for work and that’s what’s important. She does not only know what she is doing, she is an expert! And the catch is, she is STILL willing to learn. She is not that I-KNOW-IT-ALL employee and would raise her brow if somebody gives her a suggestion for improvement. She is courteous and humble enough to accept that she is just human that still has, like anyone else, a big part of herself not perfect. She acknowledges the experience and wits of other people as well…she knows they are good at it too just like how she always attains to be.

She
But most of all…She is she and she is great at it.

Geli too…
Despite all the strength and capabilities she has shown to me and to everybody else, I still see her as my sweet little baby sister, who herself, needs understanding, love, and a lot of care. And I don’t deprive her of that.

Chances are...

Once in our lives we are given one chance…one single chance to change the rest of our lives forever. Some people eagerly accepts this chance, some hesitate. Some don’t see it pass and some just totally blind. Once you learn how to identify these chances in life, you will see that its just everywhere, whispering like a gush of wind to our ears, touching us every second in different ways.

I had a chance once that passed my way…I hesitated at first but then I realized it’s the thing that would change my life forever. After a while of thinking, I finally grabbed it…and I was right, it was not a very easy decision but I did it and it totally changed my life. I love what has become of me. I love what influence I gave to people, how I changed their perceptions and how they connected to mine.
I was given an offer in 2001 to be the secretary of the President of the company where I worked with before. I accepted the offer, they processed my paper, but something undeniably scandalous happened at work. Charlie’s Angels walked their ways through things. I would not tell the details anymore but with this incident, I finally realized who my TRUE friends are. I knew who would stand on my side if ever something goes wrong. And so as a consequence, my VISA to US was cancelled. But this is not the one chance I was talking about.

After a few months, I was given an offer again to train for 3 months in San Francisco under the same company. I accepted and was there after a few months.

No one would ever forget San Francisco. No one who has met a beautiful life there would ever trade the memories with something else.

I had those unforgettable moments in San Francisco…and here comes the chance I am talking about. I met a very wonderful person, with a big heart and a warm soul. He loves every detail of who I am and how I am. And I love him as much as I enjoy every breath I take. Every word he says lingers in my mind, every glimpse in his eyes make me realize how wonderful life is.

I met him at work. You know, co-workers relationship saying hi to each other, good mornings and see yahs. The only difference is we work in the same team, you know this company team policy made up of researchers and account managers, so like what I said, we were in the same team. So when we saw each other during my first day of San Francisco city work…we went out for lunch with a couple of friends and talked about how it is in Manila dah-dah-dah. One thing fascinated me though, he is a person who really makes anybody feel interesting. He talks to me as though he really wants to know everything about me in 1 day. And that gives me a smile on my face that says, Hey Neri! See, this person really is interested with what you do and with who you are. He is not a You-talk-I-pretend-to-listen-person. He really digests and remembers every single thing I say. Incredible isn't he?

I still remember us walking through the busy Embarcadero Pier. Eating our lunch in the park and talking about what we do when do things. Suddenly I can't get enough of his stories anymore. I became addicted with his words and has totally indulged myself into the sweetness that he posseses.

We started going out after office to enjoy the city and the beautiful San Francisco weather more than a couple of times. I loved it, I loved very single moment of it. It feels like a dream to me…a fantasy.

And one day I decided to put a stop to this fantasy world that we were both into. After a few months I would be going back to Manila anyway, facing the same people, doing the same routine from morning till I fall asleep, dealing with the same problems all over again…I would not want to be staring into the sky and wishing that all the time with him to happen again. I would not be able to bear that absence in my life…the absence of something great, something unforgettable, something different.

But the halt didn’t linger, the realization I made about how sad I would be dreaming wide awake and staring into the sky didn’t bother me anymore. I would rather have that absence later on while cherishing wonderful moments with him than putting an end to everything now and living the rest of my life in regret. No…I want to be with him and I will be as long as I am allowed to.

July 27, 2001. Since then we decided to stay together and made sure everyday counts. We want to make the most of everything every single minute. We enjoyed it both and loved each other more and more. We visited places together, did grocery together, brushed our teeth together, and woke up every morning seeing each other's face. How perfect it was to have somebody beside you anytime, someone you love and want to share your life with is there by you.

But of course every love story has an end...in August 30, 2001 was the day, the ever gruesome day when I have to go back to Manila. The saddest day of my life. I would be leaving San Francisco and seeing him being left in the airport is not a happy sight. We said no tears that day, but it's just impossible. We can't help it. Staying calm when you have to say goodbye to somebody you have spent the most wonderful time of your life with is impossible.

When are we going to see each other again? For how long will we be apart? How sad would it be without him anymore? How would I go on now? How would he go on now? I just can't stop questioning myself these crazy things. Its crazy to fall in love and its even crazier to leave someone you love.

We can’t bear the thought. It’s not just difficult…it’s unbearable.

As soon as I got back to Manila, I fixed all things I have to fix and called him up. And surprised him with the question…"When is the soonest flight you can take to Manila?"

And from then on, everything changed from beautiful to wonderful to AMAZING!

October 2001 until January 2002 he stayed in Manila to meet my family and know more about my culture, and of course so we know more about each other. And in July 2002 we started our amazing life in Belgium.

Until now, the love we share is unbelievable. Like any other relationships we have our ups and downs. But we are just humans, humans with fantastic love for each other.

I love you Nico and I always will.

Life's Sweet Hell

Everybody knows life has its sweetness and bitterness.
Sometimes it stays longer on the inspiring side...when we start praying and hoping that it lingers.
And sometimes it just does the opposite...
Rain pours when you just forgot your umbrella at home...
Or trying to hurry up back inside the house to pee when you realized you left your keys on your nightstand.

It can be a real mess sometimes.
One freaky thing after the other.
And the irritating part is, the more you try to correct it (as you think it should be), the more it gets crooked.
WHY?

Well, that's what we call LIFE.